Still here...

We must let go of the life we planned so as to make way for the one which is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell


Well i did say not to be too surprised if another blog appeared and here it is. It has been the weirdest week of my life, and that is saying something. A week ago i was basically told I was about to die from a perforated bowel. I came back to the hospice and basically waited. My pain was put completely under control and i even managed to persuade the doctor for a prescription of a G and T just before bed. And I waited. Well it is 8 days later and here i am blogging, how strange a feeling. I am not entirely sure of what is happening as I am playing head in the sand but I am taking each hour as it comes and trying to relax and enjoy them. There are obviously many other complications and my liver will probably play a big part in what happens next but I thought that I would just keep you updated.

Letting go...

Life is a brief intermission between between birth and death, enjoy it.

M K Soni


I didn't think that i would be writing this nearly as soon but cancer takes no prisoners. After a very restful week in the hospice I went home to the welcome visit of my sister. Despite some intermittent pain i had a nice weekend catching up with some old friends. I had the  scan hanging over me and i admit i was procrastinating over making enquiries. Anyway it didn't matter as by the Tuesday evening i had developed such severe abdominal pains that there was no choice but to be hospitalised, i had never experienced pain like it. After many hours of investigation it was discovered that the cancer had found its way to my liver and had indeed caused a perforation to my bowel which i have been told is inoperable. I was very drugged but I managed to discern the words a couple of days. That was Tuesday its now saturday, hey yet again i have defied the odds. SO I am back in the hospice being very well looked after and i suppose waiting to die. You got me cancer. All i have requested is the finest drugs to help me on my way out and to have people I love around me. I think I'm ready. However just like this whole journey there are no certainties, so don't be too shocked if another little blog pops up. In the meantime thank you to all of you amazing people who supported me through this bloody hard but amazing journey. Love to you all.

Hospice hospitality

I have had many people get in touch theses last few weeks as i haven't been active online. Basically 3 weeks ago i woke up and felt as though I had been hit by a truck. I truly felt awful and ended up in bed permanently. I sunk deeper and deeper into a depression. I didn't take action i just let it go on with no end in sight. We finally phoned out the doctor and things picked up. I got in touch with my hospice nurse and she immediately got me a bed at the hospice. Why did i leave it so long? Denial? Who knows? All I do know is that it was exactly what I needed, absolute care and medication control. After one week i felt much better and dare I say I enjoyed my time in the hospice, the staff truly are amazing. I have learned a valuable lesson, to ask for the necessary help, I realise I am not so good at that. So while my health remains poor I am a lot better. Everything is relative after all.

I also had my scan this week so it is that time again awaiting results. I have no idea what will show but judging by new pains i am a bit concerned that it is now in my bones. However until I have the results there really is no point in projecting, we will deal with whatever may be when the time comes. In the meantime  I just have to live in the day, hamster cheeks and all and next time I need the support of the hospice I won't hesitate to ask.